Ihalakhak mo, itawa mo, igulong mo, hala sige, hanggang sa maihi!... :þ

:O
1. Pag may tyaga, goodluck!
2. Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.
3. Pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, mauubusan din ng kandila.
4. Ang taong nagigipit, sa Bombay kumakapit.
5. Pag may usok, may nag-iihaw.
6. No guts, no glory, no ID, no entry.
7. Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.
8. Ang buhay ay parang bato, it’s hard.
9. Kapag ang puno mabunga, mataba ang lupa!
10. Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto, muta lang yan.

11. Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
12. Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
13. Better late than later.
14. Better late than pregnant.
15. Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment.
16. Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin, may utang.
17. Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
18. Magbiro ka na sa lasing, Magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, ‘wag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
19. Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid ay puno ng linga.
20. Ang sakit ng kalingkingan, kailangan ng Alaxan.

21. Kapag maiksi ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
22. Try and try until you succeed or else try another.
23. Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
24. Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
25. Behind the clouds, are the other clouds.
26. Aanhin pa ang damo, kung bato na ang uso!
27. It’s better to cheat than to repeat!
28. Ang batang masipag, paglaki ay pagod.
29. Ako ang nagsaing, iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh!
30. If you can’t beat them, shoot them.

31. Do unto others, then run!!!
32. Practice makes perfect, but then again no one's perfect so why practice?
33. Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang pang-salop.
34. Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.
35. When all else fails, follow the instructions.
36. Kapag may taga, may tahi.
37. No man is an island, because time is gold.
38. An apple a day, makes seven apples a week.
39. An apple a day, cannot be an orange a day.
40. Ang babaeng hindi natumtumba ay dating Kundoktora.

41. When it rains, it floods.
42. Kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanila.
43. Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan sapul.
44. Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik .
read more “"Ang Tanging Ina" Movie Funny Lines”
:r
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts.

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ _________ ______

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year- old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
____________ _________ _________ ________

--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law..
read more “Disorder in the American Courts”
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