Inday Jokes

:p
AMO: Inday, ano ginawa mo sa microwave natin at sumabog?

INDAY: Success is often the result of taking misstep in the right direction. Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you somebody who has never achieved much.

AMO: Impostora! Lumayas ka dito!

******

AMO: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sira na silya?

INDAY: I have computed the chair's value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pretax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is an accordance with PAS18 on revenue, PAS16 on PPE, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets.

AMO: *fainted*

Si Inday talaga, accountant din pala!

******

Nagpunta sa probinsya ang pamilya Montemayor para sa dalawang araw na bakasyon. Kasama nila si Inday at inutusan siyang kumuha ng papaya mula sa puno para ihalo sa tinolang iluluto ni Mrs. Montemayor.

Mrs. Montemayor: Inday, ipitas mo nga ako ng papaya para matapos na itong tinola ko.

Inday: Sure. But first I have to do my ritual.

Misis: Anung ritwal? Kelan ka pa nasapi sa kulto?

Inday: Cult? Oh my gosh! I mean ritual as a habit. It is my habit to sing a very much celebrated Filipino folk song before I harvest the papaya.

Misis: Aba. Teka, kukunin ko muna yung recorder ko para marecord ang pagta-Tagalog mo.

Hindi pa nakakapagsalita si Inday nang kinuha ni Misis ang recorder. Pagbalik ay pinakanta na kaagad ni Misis si Inday.

Inday: Leron, Leron my love, climbs a papaya tree. With him a basket new to hold the fruit for me. But when he reached the top a branch broke off in haste. ‘Twas such an evil luck, The lost one please replace.

Dumugo ang ilong ni Misis nang inabot ni Inday ang…

Inday: Here’s the tree melon.

Misis: (hinimatay)

******

INDAY: Physical and excessive work may result to serious damage to ones body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.

*Sabi ni Inday sa Amo nya nung humingi sya ng day off* Haha!

******

AMO: Inday, bumili ka nga ng isda. Ay oo nga pala, inglesera ka ngayon. Would you please buy me many fishes for this week's meal?

INDAY: Judging by your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes" although rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of said aquatic creatures. But the more pressing questions before I go to the wet market would be: What type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or fresh? [pauses] Ahh…The meager budget of this household's quasi-peasant class taste, I shall source the staple "ga-lewng-gowng", am I correct?

AMO: LECHE!

******

AMO : Inday! Ano nangyari at may bukol ang anak ko na si Junior?

INDAY: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not so well engineered architectural of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

AMO : ha ?!? Shocked

(ang lupit ni Inday noh? wehehehe)

*******

DODONG: Can I call you mine?

INDAY: That's not my name. I'm............


...... Yours!


(aysows, yun un eh! wahahaha!)

******

AMO: Inday, may pulubi sa gate, paalisin mo nga...

INDAY: right away!

INDAY to BEGGAR: hey you putrid smelling beggar with the diverse ambiance of scented junk that assails everybody's nostrils and poisons everyone's fresh and carbon free lungs, go away now!

BEGGAR: what? who do you think you are? You pathetic trying hard nanny! How could you? A social climber and very low grade mammal, underestimate a high-class beggar like me? The hell with you!

INDAY: nakakasakit ka na ah! Ma'm oh, ayaw umalis oh! :þ

******

AMO went to Spain to study para mapantayan si Inday.

AMO (sumulat kay Inday): day! ¿Cómo es usted? ¿Limpia usted la casa cada día?

INDAY (replied): مٳىٶڢٻبڢڣظے٦٨۳ٌُڱڬۀڇ ڞۻۈ ۸۹ڟ٥٤ڳڿړږۺڦب ډڪٳ٣۳ ٹبڇڪلھ۔ـڟے

AMO: (nosebleed)

******

I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber. Though the downpour of rain should've made it easy. This exuberent emotional glue i have for you,cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what i feel for you is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true romance

- INDAY, nag eemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si dodong,ang bf nia..

*******

Dear Mom,

Had i not been able to smell the salt, i must have collapsed moments ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of hil shabilly runned academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never though being a governess can be such strenuous employ!

Your daughter,
Inday

Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong pagkabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

–TATAY

*******

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: (nosebleed)

*******

AMO: Inday, dba nanood ka ng The Buzz kanina?

INDAY: Yes Ma'm, why?

AMO: Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA?

INDAY: Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they know that things will get complicated if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people don't understand you for doing so.

*******

One day, nagulat ang amo 'coz bumalik ang naglayas na si Inday...

Amo: Inday, bumalik ka rin. Bakit?

INDAY: I care about my job Sir, I care about you...!

*******