You Should Know Better!

:v
15 Sex Facts To Make You Feel Good!

1 A man’s beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.

2 Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium!

3 Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

4 Eighty-five percent of men who die of heart attacks during intercourse are found to have been cheating on their wives.

5 The greatest recorded number of children one mother had was 69 children. Do the math!

6 The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

7 The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

8 Twenty-five percent of women think money makes a man sexier.

9 Donald Duck comics were once banned from Finland because Donald didn’t wear pants.

10 Women who respond to sex surveys in magazines like Cosmo may have five times as many lovers as typical women.

11 Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.

12 A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

13 Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

14 Average number of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

15 Average number of sperm per ejaculation: 100 million (try counting)

Tagalog Nursery Rhymes ng mga Bading

:d
*BUBUKA ANG BULAKLAK

Bubukesh ang floweret
jojosok ang reynabelz
shochurva ng chacha
pa jembot jembot fah

boom tiyayavush
tiyayavush chenes
boom tiyayavush
tiyayavush chenes
______________________________

*PEN PEN DE SARAHPEN

Pen pen de chorvaloo
de kemerloo de eklavoo
hao hao de chenelyn
de ba yutech

si friti dapat iipit
goldness-filak
chumochorva
sa tabi ng chenes

shoyang fula
talong na fula
shoyang fute
talong na mapute

chuk chak chenes
namo uz ek
______________________________

*TAGU-TAGUAN

Shogu-shoguan
ning ning galore ng buwan
pag-counting ng krompu
naka shogu na kayey

jisa
krolawa
shotlo
kyopat
jima
kyonim
nyitoert
walochi
syamert
krompu

mga beki
andetrax na si atashi
______________________________

*AKO AY MAY ALAGA

aketch may nyologa
solang majuba
juntot ay majoba
majinis ang nyukha

halgay niya aketch
halgay ko rin siyasi
kaya mekey mudwa
laging magkajoma
______________________________

*SAMPUNG MGA DALIRI

jompung mga joliri
jomay at tiil
joluwang jenga
joluwang tameyk
jilong na magandich

majijiit ng ngipin
majurap ilafez
jilang majiit nagjojobing
wag kang magjijinungaling
______________________________

*INDIAN PANA

indian shona
shoshona-shona
shotlong jitlog
jojolog jolog

indian jona
jojona-jona
shotlong jitlog
jojolog jolog
______________________________

*BAHAY KUBO

valer kuberch
kahit jutay
ang julamantrax dochi
ay anek anek

nyongkamas at nyutring
nyogarilyas at kipey
nyitaw, nyotaw jutani

kundol, jutola
jupo't jolabastrax
at mega join join pa

jubanox, nyustasa
nyobuyas, nyomatis
nyowang at luyax

at around the keme ay
fulness ng linga
______________________________

*AKO AY MAY LOBO

akez ay may lobing
nag flysung sa heaven
wiz ko na na sighting
nyomutok na palerz

shoyang lang ang adeks
pang buysung ng lobing
nyuti pa pang lafez
nyomusog pa akez

Inday Jokes

:p
AMO: Inday, ano ginawa mo sa microwave natin at sumabog?

INDAY: Success is often the result of taking misstep in the right direction. Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you somebody who has never achieved much.

AMO: Impostora! Lumayas ka dito!

******

AMO: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sira na silya?

INDAY: I have computed the chair's value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pretax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is an accordance with PAS18 on revenue, PAS16 on PPE, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets.

AMO: *fainted*

Si Inday talaga, accountant din pala!

******

Nagpunta sa probinsya ang pamilya Montemayor para sa dalawang araw na bakasyon. Kasama nila si Inday at inutusan siyang kumuha ng papaya mula sa puno para ihalo sa tinolang iluluto ni Mrs. Montemayor.

Mrs. Montemayor: Inday, ipitas mo nga ako ng papaya para matapos na itong tinola ko.

Inday: Sure. But first I have to do my ritual.

Misis: Anung ritwal? Kelan ka pa nasapi sa kulto?

Inday: Cult? Oh my gosh! I mean ritual as a habit. It is my habit to sing a very much celebrated Filipino folk song before I harvest the papaya.

Misis: Aba. Teka, kukunin ko muna yung recorder ko para marecord ang pagta-Tagalog mo.

Hindi pa nakakapagsalita si Inday nang kinuha ni Misis ang recorder. Pagbalik ay pinakanta na kaagad ni Misis si Inday.

Inday: Leron, Leron my love, climbs a papaya tree. With him a basket new to hold the fruit for me. But when he reached the top a branch broke off in haste. ‘Twas such an evil luck, The lost one please replace.

Dumugo ang ilong ni Misis nang inabot ni Inday ang…

Inday: Here’s the tree melon.

Misis: (hinimatay)

******

INDAY: Physical and excessive work may result to serious damage to ones body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.

*Sabi ni Inday sa Amo nya nung humingi sya ng day off* Haha!

******

AMO: Inday, bumili ka nga ng isda. Ay oo nga pala, inglesera ka ngayon. Would you please buy me many fishes for this week's meal?

INDAY: Judging by your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes" although rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of said aquatic creatures. But the more pressing questions before I go to the wet market would be: What type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or fresh? [pauses] Ahh…The meager budget of this household's quasi-peasant class taste, I shall source the staple "ga-lewng-gowng", am I correct?

AMO: LECHE!

******

AMO : Inday! Ano nangyari at may bukol ang anak ko na si Junior?

INDAY: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not so well engineered architectural of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

AMO : ha ?!? Shocked

(ang lupit ni Inday noh? wehehehe)

*******

DODONG: Can I call you mine?

INDAY: That's not my name. I'm............


...... Yours!


(aysows, yun un eh! wahahaha!)

******

AMO: Inday, may pulubi sa gate, paalisin mo nga...

INDAY: right away!

INDAY to BEGGAR: hey you putrid smelling beggar with the diverse ambiance of scented junk that assails everybody's nostrils and poisons everyone's fresh and carbon free lungs, go away now!

BEGGAR: what? who do you think you are? You pathetic trying hard nanny! How could you? A social climber and very low grade mammal, underestimate a high-class beggar like me? The hell with you!

INDAY: nakakasakit ka na ah! Ma'm oh, ayaw umalis oh! :þ

******

AMO went to Spain to study para mapantayan si Inday.

AMO (sumulat kay Inday): day! ¿Cómo es usted? ¿Limpia usted la casa cada día?

INDAY (replied): مٳىٶڢٻبڢڣظے٦٨۳ٌُڱڬۀڇ ڞۻۈ ۸۹ڟ٥٤ڳڿړږۺڦب ډڪٳ٣۳ ٹبڇڪلھ۔ـڟے

AMO: (nosebleed)

******

I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber. Though the downpour of rain should've made it easy. This exuberent emotional glue i have for you,cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what i feel for you is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true romance

- INDAY, nag eemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si dodong,ang bf nia..

*******

Dear Mom,

Had i not been able to smell the salt, i must have collapsed moments ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of hil shabilly runned academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never though being a governess can be such strenuous employ!

Your daughter,
Inday

Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong pagkabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

–TATAY

*******

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: (nosebleed)

*******

AMO: Inday, dba nanood ka ng The Buzz kanina?

INDAY: Yes Ma'm, why?

AMO: Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA?

INDAY: Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they know that things will get complicated if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people don't understand you for doing so.

*******

One day, nagulat ang amo 'coz bumalik ang naglayas na si Inday...

Amo: Inday, bumalik ka rin. Bakit?

INDAY: I care about my job Sir, I care about you...!

*******

Pick-up Lines (the Corny way)

:$
1. Minamalat na naman ang puso ko..
*** paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo..

2. Ikaw ba may-ari ng Crayola??
*** ikaw kasi nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko..

3. Uy papicture tayo!!
*** para ma-develop tayo!!

4. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashushoot ba kita??
*** hinde, para lagi kita mamimiss..

5. Can i take your picture??
*** coz i want to show Santa exactly what i want for Christmas!!

6. Exam ka ba??
*** gustong gusto na kasi kitang i-take home eh!!

7. Lecture mo ba ako??
*** lab kasi kita..

8. Centrum ka ba??
*** kasi you make my life complete!!

9. Miss pwede ba kita maging driver??
*** para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko..

10. Mahilig ka ba sa asukal??
*** ang tamis kasi ng mga ngiti mo..

11. Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard??
*** kasi type kita..

12. I hate to say this but... You are like my underwear..
*** coz i can't last a day without you!!

13. Ibibili kita ng salbabida..
*** kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko..

14. Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar??
*** single kasi ako eh..

15. Me lisensya ka ba??
*** coz you're driving me crazy eh..

16. May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo?
*** humihinto kasi ang oras ko pag ikaw ang kasama ko.

17. Grabe nakakatawa yung mga pick-up lines noh?? hahaha! May alam ka pa bang iba?? Wala na akong maisip eh..
*** coz all i ever think of is you.

18. I'm a bee..
*** can you be my honey??

19. Nakakatakot diba ang multo??
*** pero mas nakakatakot kapag nawala ka sa buhay ko..

20. Am i a bad shooter??
*** coz i keep on missing you..

22. Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight??
*** Oh gusto mong dumaan ulit ako??

23. Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle noh??
*** kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad..

24. Excuse me.. Are you a dictionary??
*** because you give meaning to my life..

25. Bangin ka ba??
*** nahuhulog kasi ako sa'yo..

26. Pustiso ka ba??
*** kasi, can't smile without you..

27. Pagod na pagod ka na noh??
*** maghapon kana kasing tumatakbo sa isipan ko eh..

28. Me butas ba puso mo??
*** kasi natrap na ako sa loob, can't find my way out!!

29. Anung height mo??
*** ha?? pano ka nagkasya sa loob ng puso ko..

30. Hey, did you fart??
*** coz you blew me away!!

31. Sana "T" na lang ako..
*** para i'm always right next to "U"

32. Are you Jamaican??
*** kasi Ja-maican me crazy!!

33. Nde tayo tao.. Nde tayo hayop.
***BAGAY tayo. BAGAY tlga tayo.

34. Ako ay isang exam.. kaya sagutin mo na ako...

35. Favorite Subject mo ba geometry
***kasi kahit saang angle ka tignan ang ganda mo eh!

36. Miss, nakalunok ka ba ng watusi?
*** Pag ngumingiti ka kasi, may SPARK!

37. Kahit saang anggulo ka tignan,
front view, back view, side view...
***I Loview!