Matuwa Ka

Gay: Ako'y matutulog na sa aking higaan, dahil ako'y gigising pa bago magbukang liwayway. Sana ako'y makatulog ng mahimbing, upang ako'y makabawi sa ilang araw na pagsusunog ng aking makapal na kilay. Good night crush! =) Brother matulog ka ng mahimbing, upang sa iyong pag-gising, matanto mong ika'y lalaki rin! Gay: Ngunit kahit anong gawin, umaga'y gumaganda pa rin, dahil sa bawat paggising, mukhang kaakit akit pa rin, ang bumubungad sa akin! Brother: wala na bang pag-asa, mawalay ang pagka-dyokla? minsan ako'y nababahala, dahil sa chenes mong pananalita! utak ko ri'y nagsusumamo, matigil na sana ang iyong eklavo!

Earlier, as I was browsing over our MAIDRS running pictures, my attention was caught by this one. And so, I tagged this one as COOPERATION. Here's a closer look: See what I mean?

:~ 1. Yaya buys food at McDo. Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?” Yaya: “Puwede sa table?” --- --- --------- --------- 2. Kid: “Yaya look, boats!” Yaya: “Dows are not boats, dey’re yachts.” Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?” Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.” --- --- --------- --------- 3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office. Doc: “Bottlefed?” Woman: “Breastfed po.” (Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly) Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.” Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!” --- --- --------- --------- 4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten. She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor: “Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!” --- --- --------- --------- 5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star. Our yaya came back and said: “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!” --- --- --------- --------- 6. Yaya: “Huhuhu…” Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!” ...

:p A wealthy man living in an exclusive Connecticut suburb decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of 20 his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Cirilo, the only Filipino in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.. Everyone was having a good time drinking Roederer Cristal, Le Pin, dancing, eating foie gras, Belon oysters and Wagyu beef BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15 foot man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in. The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Cirilo in the pool. Cirilo was fighting the croc and kicking its ass. Cirilo was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff, like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the 20 croc through the air like some kind...

:) As running enthusiasts, we find joy in taking pictures after finishing the race. Here's our most recent funny pictures (I only selected a few) after our Men's Health Urbanathlon and Festival 2009 . Pictures are better viewed if clicked Ü Okay, this picture is not funny, this is just our best group picture. Have you seen the movie Orphan? Spot Esther from this picture :D Brokeback Mountain Open wide RunningAtom :P *No caption needed* Babaeng Impakta Hungry? Suicide Oooohh... The Who?

:D In our group, 3 out of 4 celebrates our birthday every November. I don't know if November Birthday Celebrators is equally dominant in your company. If you'll do the Math, knowing that a woman bears a child 9 months from conception to giving birth, you'll arrive at February as the egg cell and sperm cell's acquaintance. And as we all know, February is the Month of LOVE! *grin* And so we have a Triple Treat Celebration, as always, at Shakey's Tomas Morato. We enjoyed the food, but not their service. I even felt thirsty after leaving the place, for it took them sooo long until we finally gave up on our request for a pitcher of water. Spaghetti from the Family Deal 2 We tried the new Angus Pizza (Still part of the Family Deal 2, with an additional of less than PhP80) On our way out of the store, we spotted on Jennylyn Mercado together with her son.

=)) Ito ang alamat kung bakit nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki.. *** Karpintero itong si Juan at isang araw eh gumagawa siya ng isang bahay sa tabi ng ilog.Sa lakas ng pagma-martilyo niya eh nalaglag ang martilyo niya sa ilog. Umiyak siya at lumitaw yung guardian Angel niya, "tutulungan kita, Juan".. .sabay lundag sa ilog. Lumabas ito na me hawak na Gold hammer, "ito ba ang martilyo mo?" ... "hindi po".... Lundag uli ang Anghel at lumitaw na me Silver hammer,"ito ba?"..."hindi po"... Lundag uli sa ilog ang Anghel at lumitaw na me ordinary hammer, "ito ba?"...." Opo" ....natuwa ang Anghel. "Dahil honest ka, bukod sa martilyo mo, sa 'yo na rin ang Gold at Silver hammer"... Makaraan ang ilang araw, naglalakad si Juan sa may ilog at kasama ang Misis niya. Eh sa hindi inaasahang pangyayari, nalaglag si Misis sa ilog...iyak si Juan Litaw si guardian Angel, "tutulungan kita"...s...

:~ A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden; he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie, but this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for this." said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an IRS genie." "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!" The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the geni...

:p 10 types of programmers you’ll encounter in the field Programmers enjoy a reputation for being peculiar people. In fact, even within the development community, there are certain programmer archetypes that other programmers find strange. Here are 10 types of programmers you are likely to run across. Can you think of any more? #1: Gandalf This programmer type looks like a short-list candidate to play Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings. He (or even she!) has a beard halfway to his knees, a goofy looking hat, and may wear a cape or a cloak in the winter. Luckily for the team, this person is just as adept at working magic as Gandalf. Unluckily for the team, they will need to endure hours of stories from Gandalf about how he or she to walk uphill both ways in the snow to drop off the punch cards at the computer room. The Gandalf type is your heaviest hitter, but you try to leave them in the rear and call them up only in times of desperation. #2: The Martyr In any other profession, The Marty...

:~ You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." A young son asked, "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son." Then there was a woman who said, "I nev...

:p Dear Mr. Bob Ong, Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong ramp model na stage actress na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya. Hingi lang po ako ng advice. Paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba siya ng tula ? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita? In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one? Lubos na gumagalang, - Bartolome - - ANG REPLY - Dear Bartolome, Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. Napaka-old school kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. Nagtaas na ang gasolina, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe, at lalong nagtaas na rin ng standards ang mga babae. Hindi na uubra yang siopao at kalachuci mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Ano’ng era ka ba pinanganak? Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-a...

:D Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?" Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears." Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, 'what problem could be greater than this one?'" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Wife: "Do you want dinner?" Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?" Wife: "Yes or no." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never wo...

:v A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+. Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?" The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."

:r "I downloaded Netscape and tried to install it. It said not to install this version if I was running Win95. So I uninstalled Win95..." Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first. Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's att...

:v Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas Statue - Ikaw ba yan? Tissue - Ikaw nga! Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6 Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna Persuading - Unang Kasal Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11) Profit - Patunayan mo Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet Backlog - bacon saka egg Beehive - magpakatino ka CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa Deduct - Ang pato Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?) Diploma - Ang tubero Deposit - Ang Gripo (i.e. Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking) Debug - ang ipis Defrag - ang palaka Defe...

:~ Q: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A: Concrete floors are very hard to crack! Q: If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it? A: No time at all it is already built. Q: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A: Very large hands.(Good one) Q: How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A: It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. Q: How can a man go eight days without sleep? A: No Probs, He sleeps at night. Q: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A: It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. Q: What looks like half apple? A: The other half. Q: What can you never eat for breakfast ? A: Dinner. Q: What happened when wheel was invented ? A: It caused a revolution. Q: Bay of Bengal is in which state? A: Liquid

:z TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong. GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this kid) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: W...

:r (Karugtong ng Corny Pick-up Lines) "Kumain ka ba ng asukal? Ang tamis kasi ng ngiti mo!" "May lahi ka bang keyboard? Type kasi kita!" "Ipapupulis kita! Ninakaw mo kasi ang puso ko!" "Are you a dictionary? Kasi, you add meaning to my life." "Meron ka bang lisensya? Kasi, you drive me crazy." "I lost my number. Can I have yours?" "Angel ba ang name mo? Kasi, you look like one." "I forgot your name. Can I call you mine?" PAMATAY NA REPLY "Excuse me, kumain ka ba ng mais? Ang corny mo kasi!"

:D Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is MARIO DIMACULANGAN. Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2,000 people leave the room. MARIO says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to loseif I stay. I'll give it a try. Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience in managing more than100 people may leave. 2,000 people leave the room. Mario says to himself ' I never managed anybody but myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays. Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Mario says to himself, 'I left high school at 15 but what have I got to lose? So he stays in the room. Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Mario says to himself, ' I d...

:z ABAKADA Baka kasi Inglisera na tayong masyado, so practice muna ulit ng ating wika, okay? Basahin ang mga sumusunod sa Tagalog: B, K, W, L, K, M, G, W, P, R, M, S, Y, T, W, K, H, H, H, T, W, P, H, H, H, T, M, N, P, R, K, N, T, NGa! P! , D, L, Mo, S, I, B... P, R, N, man, M, K, B, wi K ! H, H, H.....  ANAK AT NANAY Boy: Nay may ulam ba? Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak. Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba? Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan! ANAK AT TATAY  Caloy: Tay ,di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo ko ng P100 pag pumasa ako sa Math? Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba? Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.  PROBLEMA NGA Pasyente ... Doc, may problema ako...tuwing alas otso ng umaga dumudumi ako... Doktor .... so, anong problema doon? Pasyente ... Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.  CUSTOMER A man was carrying 3 babies in a train. Lady sitting next asked, 'are they your babies?' Man: 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are...

:~ Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga mumunti ngunit ginintuang butil na payo na nakuha ko sa aking mga magulang. 1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE : "Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay." 2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay: "Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na! " 3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC: "Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko." 4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC : "Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine." 5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY: "Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!" 6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM: "Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!" 7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng STAMIN...

:O 1. Pag may tyaga, goodluck! 2. Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao. 3. Pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, mauubusan din ng kandila. 4. Ang taong nagigipit, sa Bombay kumakapit. 5. Pag may usok, may nag-iihaw. 6. No guts, no glory, no ID, no entry. 7. Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot. 8. Ang buhay ay parang bato, it’s hard. 9. Kapag ang puno mabunga, mataba ang lupa! 10. Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto, muta lang yan. 11. Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin. 12. Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin. 13. Better late than later. 14. Better late than pregnant. 15. Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment. 16. Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin, may utang. 17. Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa. 18. Magbiro ka na sa lasing, Magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, ‘wag lang sa lasing na bagong gising. 19. Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid ay puno ng linga. 20. Ang sakit ...

:r These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________ _________ _________ _______ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: ...