taken from a post in facebook.
1. Blasphemous
Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?”
A: “Utong!”
2. Carlo of Taguig
Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?”
A: “Umiilaw!”
3. Pancho
Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao?
A: “Humanitarian?”
4. Joan C
Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga…”
“Ninja?”
5. Potpot/Simplyme
Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?”
A: “Sunog!”
6. Arcueid
Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.”
A: “Willie da pooh!”
7. Raimon
Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?”
A: “Hindunesia?”
8. Bonnjeru
Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?”
A: “Pagong!”
9. MaudeEvans
Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.”
A: “Tae!”
10. Supertanker
Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?”
A: “Canadia!”
11. RC & Cess
Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red…”
A: “Ribbon!”
12. Jose de Vengenge
Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?”
A: “Buhok?”
13. Arcueid
Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.”
A: “Tinga!”
14. LilMaui
Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?”
A: “Pag balita?”
15. Katherine
Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?”
A: “Baby oil?”
16. RC & Cess
Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?”
A: “Sweetserland?”
17. RC & Cess
Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?”
A: “Godzilla?”
18. LilRedShiningNips
Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?”
A: “Itlog ng tao!”
19. Jose de Vengenge
Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?”
A: “Sadista?”
20. Ned
Q: “Blank is the best policy.”
A: “Ice tea?”
21. Boc
Q: “Anong parte ng itlog ang masarap?”
A: “Yung tangkay?”
22. Espeks
Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?”
A: “Sa likod!”
23. No Angel
Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.”
A: “Tiger?”
24. No name
Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?”
A: “Saging!”
25. No name
Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?”
A: “Baliw!”
26. Kayee
Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?”
A: “Kamag-anak!”
27. Kid Bukid
Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?”
A: “Sa motel?”
28. His Cuteness
Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?”
A: “Cold water!”
29. Katuray
Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?”
A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”
30. Loipogi
Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.”
A: “Operadang bakla?”
31. litzkrieg
Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?”
A: “Madami!”
32. Adakrab 14
Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?”
A: “Abnormal!”
Showing posts with label Pinoy Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pinoy Jokes. Show all posts
Friday, October 12, 2012
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Down Memory Lane
TO ALL PINOY KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 50's, 60's, 70's and early 80's!
First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne, smoked and/or drank San Miguel Beer or Syoktong, while they carried us. The manghihilot was the cheapest way to deliver babies. Dinala ka ba ng nanay mo sa pediatrician for DPT? While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, cortal or medicol, ate isaw, and didn't worry about diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker (andador) natin, matigas na kahoy or rattan at wala pang gulong.
We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang), ( noon cloth or rattan duyan lang tied to the posts or ceiling, babies fell asleep sa sobrang hilo ) and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.
Take-out food was limited to Ongpin's pansit or Aling Toyangs pre-cooked ulam in kalderos. No pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway, Jollibee; and, coffee was just kape hinde ga-mahal as in Starbucks.
As children, we would ride in jeepneys libre, pag kandong, hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)
Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata) Did you make your own saranggola and pasted bubog on the strings?
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711(minsan straight from the faucet or poso) walang 711 noon, sari-sari store ni Mang Akong to buy sarsi, suntan, RC cola or choco-vim.
We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this or contracted hepatitis.
We ate rice with star margarine, pampatangkad daw, took raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank softdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga.......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso, habulan at taguan. Natatandaan mo ba PIKO, step-no-step- yes, trumpo, garter & mala-ahas sa haba na goma? Kung naulan naman, jackstones, pick-up sticks or sungka, bahay-bahayan, tinda-tindahan, titser-teacher- an or swimming sa baha or kangkungan.
No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone, walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.. Sipol lang ni tatay ang meron noon!
We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cellphones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters, Facebook. MSN etc. ......... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them! TV viewing was a treat, kilala mo ba si Popeye, Gumby, Betty Boop & followed the bouncing ball in Melody Tunes? That was karaoke then, LOL!
We climbed walls and trees (to get aratiles and catch salagubang & tutubi - tied them on the neck with a string), fell out of trees, got cut or "bukol", broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..beh buti nga !
We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream, fish balls & inihaw na baga. We were not afraid of getting sick or germs in our stomachs.
We had to live with homemade guns, gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan, pero masaya pa rin ang lahat. We made up games with sticks (syatong), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay... paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.
We walked a lot, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!
Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made to the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala iyang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.
Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tingnan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.
That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.
You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.
P.S. - The big letters are because your eyes may not be able to read this if they were typed any smaller (at your age)
First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne, smoked and/or drank San Miguel Beer or Syoktong, while they carried us. The manghihilot was the cheapest way to deliver babies. Dinala ka ba ng nanay mo sa pediatrician for DPT? While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, cortal or medicol, ate isaw, and didn't worry about diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker (andador) natin, matigas na kahoy or rattan at wala pang gulong.
We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang), ( noon cloth or rattan duyan lang tied to the posts or ceiling, babies fell asleep sa sobrang hilo ) and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.
Take-out food was limited to Ongpin's pansit or Aling Toyangs pre-cooked ulam in kalderos. No pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway, Jollibee; and, coffee was just kape hinde ga-mahal as in Starbucks.
As children, we would ride in jeepneys libre, pag kandong, hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)
Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata) Did you make your own saranggola and pasted bubog on the strings?
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711(minsan straight from the faucet or poso) walang 711 noon, sari-sari store ni Mang Akong to buy sarsi, suntan, RC cola or choco-vim.
We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this or contracted hepatitis.
We ate rice with star margarine, pampatangkad daw, took raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank softdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga.......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso, habulan at taguan. Natatandaan mo ba PIKO, step-no-step- yes, trumpo, garter & mala-ahas sa haba na goma? Kung naulan naman, jackstones, pick-up sticks or sungka, bahay-bahayan, tinda-tindahan, titser-teacher- an or swimming sa baha or kangkungan.
No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone, walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.. Sipol lang ni tatay ang meron noon!
We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cellphones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters, Facebook. MSN etc. ......... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them! TV viewing was a treat, kilala mo ba si Popeye, Gumby, Betty Boop & followed the bouncing ball in Melody Tunes? That was karaoke then, LOL!
We climbed walls and trees (to get aratiles and catch salagubang & tutubi - tied them on the neck with a string), fell out of trees, got cut or "bukol", broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..beh buti nga !
We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream, fish balls & inihaw na baga. We were not afraid of getting sick or germs in our stomachs.
We had to live with homemade guns, gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan, pero masaya pa rin ang lahat. We made up games with sticks (syatong), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay... paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.
We walked a lot, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!
Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made to the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala iyang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.
Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tingnan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.
That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.
You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.
P.S. - The big letters are because your eyes may not be able to read this if they were typed any smaller (at your age)
J J J J J
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Break Muna
Aanhin ko ang napakalaking bahay, mamahaling sasakyan,
milyun-milyong kayamanan, at masasarap na pagkain kung ang
kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga iyun?!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
SA MAY KANTO.
LASING: Miss ang panget mo!
BABAE: Kapal ng mukha mo! Ikaw naman LASENGGO!
LASING: Bukas di na ako lasing, ikaw bukas panget pa rin! Wahahahahaha.....
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
ANAK: Dad I'm fifteen na, pwede na ba ako mag BRA?
DAD: Di pwede!
ANAK: But Dad, all my friends wear bra na...
DAD:Tigilan mo ako RENATO!!! Baka pisain ko itlog mo!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
HUSBAND: Pagkamatay ko ipamamana ko sayo 50 hectares ng lupa'tbahay
at 350 million sa bank. Ano pa mahihiling mo?
WIFE: Gusto ko mamatay ka na, Ngayon na!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
NENE: Inay, pinatambling ako kanina sa school!
INAY: Gaga! Gusto lang nila makita panty mo!
NENE: Alam ko! Kaya nga tinago ko sa bag yung panty ko eh!!...
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Misis: Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi
selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
TANONG:Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi
siya mababastos?
SAGOT: "Uhm, excuse me, miss...Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?"
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw
na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat... I LOVE YOU!
Wife:Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!...
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Juan:San ka galing?
Pedro: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan:E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro:Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Bigo ka ba sa luv? eto ang mga BEST partners:
Kuba: Mapagkumbaba
Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan
Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo
Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words
Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: Di ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala...
Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section sya!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Paano humamon ng AWAY ang ....
BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!
milyun-milyong kayamanan, at masasarap na pagkain kung ang
kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga iyun?!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
SA MAY KANTO.
LASING: Miss ang panget mo!
BABAE: Kapal ng mukha mo! Ikaw naman LASENGGO!
LASING: Bukas di na ako lasing, ikaw bukas panget pa rin! Wahahahahaha.....
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
ANAK: Dad I'm fifteen na, pwede na ba ako mag BRA?
DAD: Di pwede!
ANAK: But Dad, all my friends wear bra na...
DAD:Tigilan mo ako RENATO!!! Baka pisain ko itlog mo!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
HUSBAND: Pagkamatay ko ipamamana ko sayo 50 hectares ng lupa'tbahay
at 350 million sa bank. Ano pa mahihiling mo?
WIFE: Gusto ko mamatay ka na, Ngayon na!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
NENE: Inay, pinatambling ako kanina sa school!
INAY: Gaga! Gusto lang nila makita panty mo!
NENE: Alam ko! Kaya nga tinago ko sa bag yung panty ko eh!!...
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Misis: Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi
selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
TANONG:Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi
siya mababastos?
SAGOT: "Uhm, excuse me, miss...Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?"
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw
na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat... I LOVE YOU!
Wife:Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!...
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Juan:San ka galing?
Pedro: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan:E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro:Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Bigo ka ba sa luv? eto ang mga BEST partners:
Kuba: Mapagkumbaba
Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan
Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo
Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words
Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: Di ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala...
Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section sya!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Paano humamon ng AWAY ang ....
BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Mga Jokes ni Mak
MISTER: wala akong tulog dahil naiisip ko P500K na utang ko kay pare.
MISIS: madali yan! Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mong hindi ka makakabayad sa utang mo para siya naman ang hindi makatulog!
****
JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.
****
JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.
JEEP DRIVER: saan galling?
JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin.
JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan?
JEEP PASSENGER: sayo.
****
Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hin di nga?!?
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
****
Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.
****
Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hin alikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.
****
Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!
Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!
Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh.
****
Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.
****
GREAT FACTS
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee
Marriage is a relationship wherein one person is always right and the other person is the husband.
They said we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.
The human brain functions 24 hours/day, 365 days/year until you fall for someone...
****
BERTO: Ano ang mas mahalaga, pera o asawa?
ROMY: Syempre, pera! Kasi, ang pera, habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang interes. Ang asawa, habang tumatagal, nawawalan ka ng interes, tapos, inuubos pa ang pera mo
****
2 Mag-amiga naglasing. Paguwi natae sila at sa sementeryo inabutan. Ang isa ginamit ang panty pamunas tsaka tinapon. Yung isa, nakakita ng bouquet ng flower sa puntod at ginawang pamunas. Kinabukasan, sabi ng mga asawa nila:
JUAN:Pare, bantayan natin mga misis natin...Misis ko umuwi kagabi walang panty!
PEDRO: Mas grabe misis ko pare...Merong card nakadikit sa puwet na may nakasulat "We'll never forget you. From all the guys at the OPERATIONS DEPT."
****
Guwapo nagtext: Luv, p load nman P100.
Bakla: Ok! (Nagmamadaling naghanap ng loading station).
Bakla: Narecieve mo na luv?
Guwapo: Hu u?
****
In the middle of a baptismal rite, a bishop officiating said:
"Ang lambot naman ng ulo ng bata..."
The pretty mother replied: "Father...dede ko po yan!"
****
Ama: Bading ka ba?
Anak: Opo, dadi
Ama: (Dinuldol sa harina c jr). Ano?! Bading ka pa ba?!
Anak: Hin di na po.
Ama: Eh anon a?
Anak: Geisha na po! (Ang taray!)
****
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Laugh
Makabagong kasabihan: Kagandahan edition
1 ) Para sa magaganda: "aanhin mo ang ganda, kung wala ka namang papa."
2 ) Para sa gustong magpaganda/retokada : "kung gusto mong lumandi, tiisin mo ang hapdi"
3 ) Para sa mga feeling magaganda: "talbog ang matigas na tinapay sa tigas ng mukha ng nagmamagandang inday"
4 ) Para sa mga walang ganda: "mabait man daw at magaling, ang chaka-chaka pa rin"
****
Words to live by ng mga bading (hehehe)
"Walang kaibi-kaibigan pag agawan na ng dyowa ang usapan"
"Sa hinaba-haba man ng prusisyon, bading din pala ang magiging karelasyon."
"Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare"
"Aanhin mo ang guwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa iyo?"
"Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling dyowa, sa mga bath houses naglipana."
"Matalino man daw ang bading, napeperahan pa rin."
***
T: Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman kung matanda na tayo?
S: 'Yung paggising mo, tapos, pagtingin mo sa tagiliran, matanda rin ang iyong katabi.
***
Symptoms of a CERTIFIED SINGLE:
• Mahilig kumain.
• Panalo ang social life. Alam lahat ng gimikan at mall sale.
• Hayok sa tulog.
• Gadget-addict.
• Sa cellphone, group message nang group message ng quotes.
• Ngumingiti kahit nag-iisa.
• Tumataba.
• Porma to the max.
• Mukhang happy kahit hindi naman talaga.
Symptoms of a CERTIFIED TAKEN:
• Walang pera.
• Mukhang ngarag at laspag.
• Kuripot.
• Blooming, kasi, kailangan para hindi iwan.
• Walang social life kundi dyowa niya.
• Boring kausap.
***
7 tips para maiba naman ang araw mo:
1. Sikmuraan ang unang taong kasalubong at humingi ng sorry.
2. Uminom ng pampatulog labanan ito, magexercise.
3. Tibagin ang bahay gamit ang kutsara at buuin muli.
4. Himatayin kunwari sa daan, tiyaking may tao.
5. Tahiin ang puwet at magpatingin sa doctOR
6. Kurutin ang nakababatang kapatid pagkatapos unahan mong umiyak.
7. Makapagtitigan sa isda. Huwag titigil hanggat hindi ito kumukurap...
****
Sunday, September 19, 2010
More Famous Jokes
Dalawang Sira ulo....
SIRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
SIRA2: Oo namn!!!
SIRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
SIRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!
TEACHER and BOY
TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.
Ang sulat
Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata matatangap..!
Promotion
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang dito humaharap sa korte ko, ha?
Swindler: Your honor, hindi ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote!
Kriminal
KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala pa rin siya! Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya..!
Si Gino
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!
Tutpik
Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis pa): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan,pero kayo lang nakabali!
Confident Vs. Confidential
Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
Panchito, Babalu, Dolphy
Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC -- Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
Babalu: Ako naman DEF -- Damo, Egg at Frutas.
Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.
First love never dies
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies?"
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang ngayon buhay pa ang animal!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Pinoy Jokes
Estudyante
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500 Estudiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa estudiante.
Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL ok yun!
Pamboboso
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun, ah! Ano ginawa mo?
Anak: Inalis ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di n'ya makita!
Liit naman
Wife: honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka ng magbra...liit namn dede mo e..
Wife: E bat ikaw naka brief !!!
Dalawang Sira ulo....
SIRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
SIRA2: Oo namn!!!
SIRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
SIRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!
TEACHER and BOY
TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.
Promotion
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang dito humaharap sa korte ko, ha?
Swindler: Your honor, hindi ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote!
Kriminal
KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala pa rin siya! Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya..!
Si Gino
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!
Tutpik
Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis pa): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan,pero kayo lang nakabali!
Confident Vs. Confidential
Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
Panchito, Babalu, Dolphy
Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC -- Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
Babalu: Ako naman DEF -- Damo, Egg at Frutas.
Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.
First love never dies
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies?"
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang ngayon buhay pa ang animal!
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500 Estudiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa estudiante.
Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL ok yun!
Pamboboso
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun, ah! Ano ginawa mo?
Anak: Inalis ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di n'ya makita!
Liit naman
Wife: honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka ng magbra...liit namn dede mo e..
Wife: E bat ikaw naka brief !!!
Dalawang Sira ulo....
SIRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
SIRA2: Oo namn!!!
SIRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
SIRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!
TEACHER and BOY
TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.
Promotion
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang dito humaharap sa korte ko, ha?
Swindler: Your honor, hindi ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote!
Kriminal
KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala pa rin siya! Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya..!
Si Gino
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!
Tutpik
Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis pa): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan,pero kayo lang nakabali!
Confident Vs. Confidential
Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
Panchito, Babalu, Dolphy
Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC -- Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
Babalu: Ako naman DEF -- Damo, Egg at Frutas.
Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.
First love never dies
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies?"
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang ngayon buhay pa ang animal!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Pamana ni Lola sa kanyang Apo
:~
Nag uusap ang Lola at Ang Apo tungkol sa Pamana:
Sabi ng Lola: Apo, alam mo na matanda na ako, malapit na akong mamatay, Ipapamana ko sa iyo ang aking Sakahan, Prutasan, Bahay at ang mga alaga kong Hayop.
Sabi ng Apo: Laking pasasalamat ko po Lola, Saan po Yun?
Sabi ng Lola: Sa Facebook Apo, heto Email ko hot_lola16@yahoo.com at ang Password ay Ganda122. Click mo sa bookmark ang Farmville.
Nag uusap ang Lola at Ang Apo tungkol sa Pamana:
Sabi ng Lola: Apo, alam mo na matanda na ako, malapit na akong mamatay, Ipapamana ko sa iyo ang aking Sakahan, Prutasan, Bahay at ang mga alaga kong Hayop.
Sabi ng Apo: Laking pasasalamat ko po Lola, Saan po Yun?
Sabi ng Lola: Sa Facebook Apo, heto Email ko hot_lola16@yahoo.com at ang Password ay Ganda122. Click mo sa bookmark ang Farmville.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Kotow
:p
Teacher: ano ang ating pambansang hayop
Student: kuto!
Teacher: mali, may w sa huli
Student: kutow!
Teacher: mali, mayu sungay...
Student: demonyong kutow!
Teacher: mali, may buntot
Student: demonyong kutow na may buntot!
Teacher: ano ang ating pambansang hayop
Student: kuto!
Teacher: mali, may w sa huli
Student: kutow!
Teacher: mali, mayu sungay...
Student: demonyong kutow!
Teacher: mali, may buntot
Student: demonyong kutow na may buntot!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Wowowee
These are questions and actual answers of contest participants!
1. Q: "Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?" A: "Utong!"
2. Q: "Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?" A: "Umiilaw!"
3. Q: "Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: "Humanitarian?"
4. Q: "Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga." A: "Ninja?"
5. Q: "Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?" A: "Sunog!"
6. Q: "Magbigay ng sikat na Willie." A: "Willie da pooh!"
7. Q: "Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?" A: "Hindunesia?"
8. Q: "Anong hayop si King Kong?" A: "Pagong!"
9. Q: "Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain." A: "Tae!"
10. Q: "Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?" A: "Canadia!"
11. Q: "Kumpletuhin - Little Red." A: "Ribbon!"
12 Q: "Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?" A: "Buhok?"
13. Q: "Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin." A: "Tinga!"
14. Q: "Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?" A: "Pag balita?"
15. Q: "Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?" A: "Baby oil?"
16. Q: "Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?" A: "Sweetserland?"
17. Q: "Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?" A: "Godzilla?"
18. Q: "Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?" A: "Itlog ng tao!"
19. Q: "Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?" A: "Sadista?"
20. Q: "Blank is the best policy." A: "Ice tea?"
22. Q: "Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?" A: "Sa likod!"
23. Q: "Fill in the blanks - Beauty is in the eye of the ____." A: "Tiger?"
24. Q: "Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?" A: "Saging!"
25. Q: "Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?" A: "Baliw!"
26. Q: "Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?" A: "Kamag-anak!"
27. Q: "Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?" A: "Sa motel?"
28. Q: "Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?" A: "Cold water!"
29. Q: "Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?" A: "Si scooby dooby doo?"
30. Q: "Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka." A: "Operadang bakla?"
31. Q: "Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?" A: "Madami!"
32. Q: "Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?" A: "Abnormal!"
Friday, April 16, 2010
Sa Isang Kainan
Taong Gutom: ahmm... ate, pa-order naman po two rice.
Serbidora: ilang rice po?
Taong Gutom (nagtataka!): dalawa.
Serbidora: Ano po'ng ulam?
Taong Gutom: half order sa ampalaya.
Serbidora: ilang order po ng ampalaya?
Taong Gutom (lalong nagutom): kalahati.
Serbidora: ilang rice po?
Taong Gutom (nagtataka!): dalawa.
Serbidora: Ano po'ng ulam?
Taong Gutom: half order sa ampalaya.
Serbidora: ilang order po ng ampalaya?
Taong Gutom (lalong nagutom): kalahati.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Manny Pacquiao Jokes
:p
Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
Aling Dionisia: Talaga?... gusto ko gumanda!
Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Reporter: Ngayung nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor: (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?
Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo..
Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin. "MANKY"......
Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu?
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny-jinky)
---------- --------- ---------- ------------ ------------ --------
Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.
Jinky: Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita. ang dilim!!
---------- --------- ----------- ------------ -------- ---------
Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi kulang diyan ay....
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan,...maraming Fish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-Order
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk:
Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Noodle!!
Noodle!! Noodle!!
Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Sa Las Vegas
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Sa isang Birthday Party
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
You is!' 'you is! you is!', sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika.. Andito na ako sa 'you is!'
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Chavit: Manny, paki - acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman, late dumating. Ayun kadadaan lang sa tabi ng ringside.
Manny: I would like to acknowledge the ARRIVAL OF THE LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY!!
(Author's Note: These jokes are not owned by the author. These were all extracted from the circulating e-mails.)
Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
Aling Dionisia: Talaga?... gusto ko gumanda!
Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Reporter: Ngayung nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor: (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?
Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo..
Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin. "MANKY"......
Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu?
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny-jinky)
---------- --------- ---------- ------------ ------------ --------
Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.
Jinky: Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita. ang dilim!!
---------- --------- ----------- ------------ -------- ---------
Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi kulang diyan ay....
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan,...maraming Fish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-Order
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk:
Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Noodle!!
Noodle!! Noodle!!
Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Sa Las Vegas
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Sa isang Birthday Party
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
You is!' 'you is! you is!', sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika.. Andito na ako sa 'you is!'
---------- ---------- ---------- ------------ ----------- -----------
Chavit: Manny, paki - acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman, late dumating. Ayun kadadaan lang sa tabi ng ringside.
Manny: I would like to acknowledge the ARRIVAL OF THE LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY!!
(Author's Note: These jokes are not owned by the author. These were all extracted from the circulating e-mails.)
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Cirilo
:p
A wealthy man living in an exclusive Connecticut suburb decided that he
wanted to throw a party and invited all of 20 his buddies and neighbours.
He also invited Cirilo, the only Filipino in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion..
Everyone was having a good time drinking Roederer Cristal, Le Pin,
dancing, eating foie gras, Belon oysters and Wagyu beef BBQ and flirting.
At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15 foot man-eating
crocodile in
my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to
jump in.
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and
everyone turned around and saw Cirilo in the pool. Cirilo was fighting the
croc and kicking its ass. Cirilo was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his
thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff, like head butts and
chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the 20 croc through
the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Cirilo and the croc
were screaming and raising hell. Finally Cirilo strangled the croc and let
it float to the top like a goldfish. Cirilo then slowly climbed out of the
pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. A thunderous
applause greeted Cirilo.
Finally the host says, 'Well, Cirilo, my Princeton buddy, I reckon I owe
you a million dollars.'
No, it's all right, I don't want it,' said Cirilo.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.'
'How about half a million bucks then?' 'No thanks. I don't want it,'
answered Cirilo.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was
amazing. How about a new Maserati and a Rolex and some stock options?
Again Cirilo said no.
Confused, the wealthy man asked, 'Well Cirilo, then what do you want?'
Cirilo said, 'I want the name of that putang-inang bastard who pushed me
in the Pool.'
A wealthy man living in an exclusive Connecticut suburb decided that he
wanted to throw a party and invited all of 20 his buddies and neighbours.
He also invited Cirilo, the only Filipino in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion..
Everyone was having a good time drinking Roederer Cristal, Le Pin,
dancing, eating foie gras, Belon oysters and Wagyu beef BBQ and flirting.
At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15 foot man-eating
crocodile in
my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to
jump in.
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and
everyone turned around and saw Cirilo in the pool. Cirilo was fighting the
croc and kicking its ass. Cirilo was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his
thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff, like head butts and
chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the 20 croc through
the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Cirilo and the croc
were screaming and raising hell. Finally Cirilo strangled the croc and let
it float to the top like a goldfish. Cirilo then slowly climbed out of the
pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. A thunderous
applause greeted Cirilo.
Finally the host says, 'Well, Cirilo, my Princeton buddy, I reckon I owe
you a million dollars.'
No, it's all right, I don't want it,' said Cirilo.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.'
'How about half a million bucks then?' 'No thanks. I don't want it,'
answered Cirilo.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was
amazing. How about a new Maserati and a Rolex and some stock options?
Again Cirilo said no.
Confused, the wealthy man asked, 'Well Cirilo, then what do you want?'
Cirilo said, 'I want the name of that putang-inang bastard who pushed me
in the Pool.'
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