Matuwa Ka

:p Dear Mr. Bob Ong, Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong ramp model na stage actress na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya. Hingi lang po ako ng advice. Paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba siya ng tula ? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita? In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one? Lubos na gumagalang, - Bartolome - - ANG REPLY - Dear Bartolome, Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. Napaka-old school kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. Nagtaas na ang gasolina, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe, at lalong nagtaas na rin ng standards ang mga babae. Hindi na uubra yang siopao at kalachuci mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Ano’ng era ka ba pinanganak? Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-a...

:D Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?" Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears." Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, 'what problem could be greater than this one?'" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Wife: "Do you want dinner?" Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?" Wife: "Yes or no." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never wo...

:v A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+. Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?" The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."

:r "I downloaded Netscape and tried to install it. It said not to install this version if I was running Win95. So I uninstalled Win95..." Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first. Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's att...

:v Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas Statue - Ikaw ba yan? Tissue - Ikaw nga! Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6 Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna Persuading - Unang Kasal Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11) Profit - Patunayan mo Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet Backlog - bacon saka egg Beehive - magpakatino ka CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa Deduct - Ang pato Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?) Diploma - Ang tubero Deposit - Ang Gripo (i.e. Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking) Debug - ang ipis Defrag - ang palaka Defe...