taken from a post in facebook.
1. Blasphemous
Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?”
A: “Utong!”
2. Carlo of Taguig
Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?”
A: “Umiilaw!”
3. Pancho
Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao?
A: “Humanitarian?”
4. Joan C
Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga…”
“Ninja?”
5. Potpot/Simplyme
Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?”
A: “Sunog!”
6. Arcueid
Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.”
A: “Willie da pooh!”
7. Raimon
Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?”
A: “Hindunesia?”
8. Bonnjeru
Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?”
A: “Pagong!”
9. MaudeEvans
Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.”
A: “Tae!”
10. Supertanker
Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?”
A: “Canadia!”
11. RC & Cess
Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red…”
A: “Ribbon!”
12. Jose de Vengenge
Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?”
A: “Buhok?”
13. Arcueid
Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.”
A: “Tinga!”
14. LilMaui
Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?”
A: “Pag balita?”
15. Katherine
Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?”
A: “Baby oil?”
16. RC & Cess
Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?”
A: “Sweetserland?”
17. RC & Cess
Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?”
A: “Godzilla?”
18. LilRedShiningNips
Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?”
A: “Itlog ng tao!”
19. Jose de Vengenge
Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?”
A: “Sadista?”
20. Ned
Q: “Blank is the best policy.”
A: “Ice tea?”
21. Boc
Q: “Anong parte ng itlog ang masarap?”
A: “Yung tangkay?”
22. Espeks
Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?”
A: “Sa likod!”
23. No Angel
Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.”
A: “Tiger?”
24. No name
Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?”
A: “Saging!”
25. No name
Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?”
A: “Baliw!”
26. Kayee
Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?”
A: “Kamag-anak!”
27. Kid Bukid
Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?”
A: “Sa motel?”
28. His Cuteness
Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?”
A: “Cold water!”
29. Katuray
Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?”
A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”
30. Loipogi
Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.”
A: “Operadang bakla?”
31. litzkrieg
Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?”
A: “Madami!”
32. Adakrab 14
Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?”
A: “Abnormal!”
Friday, October 12, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Ang Alamat ng Crab
Ito ang alamat, na hindi man lang nalaman ng ating mga ninuno. Ma-swerte ka, ikaw pa lang ang unang makaka-alam nito.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Human Climate Change
DATI, pag maganda nililigawan agad,
NGAYON, pag maganda tinititigan muna kasi baka bakla!
DATI, kaunti lang ang mga gwapong lalaki,
NGAYON, kaunti na lang ang mga guwapo na tunay na lalaki!
DATI, pag guwapo babaero,
NGAYON, pati PANGIT babaero na rin, choosy pa!
DATI, hinihintay munang bumilog ang buwan bago magpakasal,
NGAYON, hihintayin munang bumilog ang tiyan bago pakasalan!
DATI, lalaki ang nanliligaw sa babae,
NGAYON, lalaki pa rin naman ang nanliligaw.... sa mga bakla!
NGAYON, pag maganda tinititigan muna kasi baka bakla!
DATI, kaunti lang ang mga gwapong lalaki,
NGAYON, kaunti na lang ang mga guwapo na tunay na lalaki!
DATI, pag guwapo babaero,
NGAYON, pati PANGIT babaero na rin, choosy pa!
DATI, hinihintay munang bumilog ang buwan bago magpakasal,
NGAYON, hihintayin munang bumilog ang tiyan bago pakasalan!
DATI, lalaki ang nanliligaw sa babae,
NGAYON, lalaki pa rin naman ang nanliligaw.... sa mga bakla!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Random Helpful Trivias: Who Knew
For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: Get warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze.
To remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out.
Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. (Now, where to put the body?) =D
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely a light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new!
To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.
Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.
Ants, ants, ants everywhere. Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march.
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
When you get a splinter ("salugsog"), reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer:
Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.
Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water, and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water.
Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn't it?
To remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out.
Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. (Now, where to put the body?) =D
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely a light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new!
To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.
Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.
Ants, ants, ants everywhere. Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march.
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
When you get a splinter ("salugsog"), reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer:
Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.
Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water, and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water.
Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn't it?
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