1. Coca-Cola was originally green.
2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.
14. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
15. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history
Spades - King David,
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
16. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
17. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
18. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
19. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
20. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield, wipers and laser printers all have in common? (Ans. - All invented by women.)
21. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is it? Ans. - Honey
22. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
23. A snail can sleep for three years.
24. All polar bears are left handed.
25. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
26. Butterflies taste with their feet.
27. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
28. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
29. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
30. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
31. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
32. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
33. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
34. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
35. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
36. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
37. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
38. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
39. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU DID TRY LICKING YOUR ELBOW...
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
UNO Magazine Puts Dawn Jimenez on the Cover
Here at UNO, we know men. We really do. And we know that if you have someone as hot and delectable as Dawn Jimenez waiting for you at home or in the office, you'd be hard-pressed to leave either place, right?
Or, because you know where to find her, you'd try to catch her again in her break-out role during the climactic scene in On The Job, a movie about prisoners exiting prison to become hired hit men for corrupt government officials. Dawn surprised everyone as she took everything off for her wild love scene with Gerald Anderson, whose character didn't get any action for several months. Everything. She didn't even leave the cover on.
Her willingness to be daring however paid off, as Dawn scored her first cover for UNO and an upcoming role in the ABS-CBN afternoon teleserye Moon of Desire.
For UNO's 92 issue, she gets down, dirty and simply delicious for her cover shoot. Donning the teensiest red and black lace lingerie, Dawn nibbles ever so gently or sometimes fiercely on a luscious piece of chocolate in the photos.
She reveals her thoughts on nabbing the role in OTJ and her excitement at being in a new afternoon teleserye with JC De Vera, Meg Imperial and Ellen Adarna.
She wasn't afraid to get all wet and lathered in chocolate for this UNO cover either. Dawn, with a sweet smile that could melt the hardest heart or chocolate, is actually a lover of zombie movies, even the low-budget ones, a fact that will surely get many a guy's attention.
Well, if the first few pages of Dawn's body in chocolate, with chocolate, on chocolate still didn't get your heart pumping (you must be cold-blooded then), perhaps the last spread will get a rise out of you.
Dawn. Chocolate spread ever so messily all over her body. And finger-licking. That should be enough right?
Well, this 92nd UNO issue also has some other articles that will get you excited and blood flowing to other parts of your body.
Like the Places to Dayo For, a food feature that takes you to different kinds of hole-in-the-wall restos from North, South to Central Metro Manila. If you are still hungry after this feature, you can go back for some more Dawn.
Or you can impress your girl with your vast knowledge of wines, especially if all you've been drinking all your life is beer. Your wine expertise is sure to get your girl excited and more...fluid.
And we didn't forget to include a feature in this issue for that other part of you that also does some thinking...your brain. Atom Araullo, the big shot broadcast journalist gets intimate and shares about his rise to fame and how this alpha male manages it all: work, fame, and love.
So go ahead, feel free to grab UNO's 92 issue. Everyone deserves a bite of chocolate-y happiness.
UNO magazine is available in all leading bookstores and magazine stands nationwide.
Follow UNO Mag at the following social networks:
www.unomagazine.com.ph
Twitter: @UNOmag
Facebook: UNOmagazine
Instagram: UNOmagazine
Or, because you know where to find her, you'd try to catch her again in her break-out role during the climactic scene in On The Job, a movie about prisoners exiting prison to become hired hit men for corrupt government officials. Dawn surprised everyone as she took everything off for her wild love scene with Gerald Anderson, whose character didn't get any action for several months. Everything. She didn't even leave the cover on.
Her willingness to be daring however paid off, as Dawn scored her first cover for UNO and an upcoming role in the ABS-CBN afternoon teleserye Moon of Desire.
For UNO's 92 issue, she gets down, dirty and simply delicious for her cover shoot. Donning the teensiest red and black lace lingerie, Dawn nibbles ever so gently or sometimes fiercely on a luscious piece of chocolate in the photos.
She reveals her thoughts on nabbing the role in OTJ and her excitement at being in a new afternoon teleserye with JC De Vera, Meg Imperial and Ellen Adarna.
She wasn't afraid to get all wet and lathered in chocolate for this UNO cover either. Dawn, with a sweet smile that could melt the hardest heart or chocolate, is actually a lover of zombie movies, even the low-budget ones, a fact that will surely get many a guy's attention.
Well, if the first few pages of Dawn's body in chocolate, with chocolate, on chocolate still didn't get your heart pumping (you must be cold-blooded then), perhaps the last spread will get a rise out of you.
Dawn. Chocolate spread ever so messily all over her body. And finger-licking. That should be enough right?
Well, this 92nd UNO issue also has some other articles that will get you excited and blood flowing to other parts of your body.
Like the Places to Dayo For, a food feature that takes you to different kinds of hole-in-the-wall restos from North, South to Central Metro Manila. If you are still hungry after this feature, you can go back for some more Dawn.
Or you can impress your girl with your vast knowledge of wines, especially if all you've been drinking all your life is beer. Your wine expertise is sure to get your girl excited and more...fluid.
And we didn't forget to include a feature in this issue for that other part of you that also does some thinking...your brain. Atom Araullo, the big shot broadcast journalist gets intimate and shares about his rise to fame and how this alpha male manages it all: work, fame, and love.
So go ahead, feel free to grab UNO's 92 issue. Everyone deserves a bite of chocolate-y happiness.
UNO magazine is available in all leading bookstores and magazine stands nationwide.
Follow UNO Mag at the following social networks:
www.unomagazine.com.ph
Twitter: @UNOmag
Facebook: UNOmagazine
Instagram: UNOmagazine
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
UNO Magazine Releases The Mocha Girls Special
If you think that they are just a simple girl group who gets TV time by dancing and singing on variety shows, think again!
There is more to the Mocha Girls than just skin deep attraction.
Landing on the cover of UNO, the ultimate guide for men in the Philippines, proves there is more to them than just fleshy beauty.
This pop all-girl group has seen its share of beautiful faces come and go, but one thing that has remained constant is the founder and the person who lent her name to the group, ringleader Mocha Uson.
Mocha says what keeps the group going is the drive to reinvent itself. The current members minus Mocha were not there when Mocha Girls started seven years ago. But Mae, Franz, Seika, Georgina, Jhane with Mocha have found a way to use each other's strengths and complement these to form a cohesive, well-oiled pop group that thrives on reinvention.
Mocha Girls has earned its share of awards for pop hits and with every new song it has released, continues to prove they are not a one-hit girl-group wonder.
In this issue of UNO magazine, readers and Mocha Girls will be treated to a very visual feast of the girls in different titillating poses. And lots of skin bared too.
But what makes this UNO issue even more special is the informative featurettes on each member of the group. It provides a rare glimpse into how the girls think, how they feel about things and situations around them--generally, it's like a one-on-one date with a girl you like.
And the surprise bonus? The issue contains a free calendar inside, featuring, of course, the Mocha Girls.
Go ahead, treat yourself to a dose of Mocha and her girls. It's gonna be well worth it to find out what gets these six ladies going, moving, and rising up.
UNO magazine is available in all leading bookstores and magazine stands nationwide.
Follow UNO Mag at the following social networks:
www.unomagazine.com.ph
Twitter: @UNOmag
Facebook: UNOmagazine
Instagram: UNOmagazine
#UnoLovesMocha
There is more to the Mocha Girls than just skin deep attraction.
Landing on the cover of UNO, the ultimate guide for men in the Philippines, proves there is more to them than just fleshy beauty.
 |
| Uno Magazine 2013 Special Holiday Release |
This pop all-girl group has seen its share of beautiful faces come and go, but one thing that has remained constant is the founder and the person who lent her name to the group, ringleader Mocha Uson.
Mocha says what keeps the group going is the drive to reinvent itself. The current members minus Mocha were not there when Mocha Girls started seven years ago. But Mae, Franz, Seika, Georgina, Jhane with Mocha have found a way to use each other's strengths and complement these to form a cohesive, well-oiled pop group that thrives on reinvention.
Mocha Girls has earned its share of awards for pop hits and with every new song it has released, continues to prove they are not a one-hit girl-group wonder.
In this issue of UNO magazine, readers and Mocha Girls will be treated to a very visual feast of the girls in different titillating poses. And lots of skin bared too.
But what makes this UNO issue even more special is the informative featurettes on each member of the group. It provides a rare glimpse into how the girls think, how they feel about things and situations around them--generally, it's like a one-on-one date with a girl you like.
And the surprise bonus? The issue contains a free calendar inside, featuring, of course, the Mocha Girls.
 |
| The Mocha Girls from L-R: Jhane, Mae, Mocha, Franz, Saika, and Georgina |
Go ahead, treat yourself to a dose of Mocha and her girls. It's gonna be well worth it to find out what gets these six ladies going, moving, and rising up.
UNO magazine is available in all leading bookstores and magazine stands nationwide.
Follow UNO Mag at the following social networks:
www.unomagazine.com.ph
Twitter: @UNOmag
Facebook: UNOmagazine
Instagram: UNOmagazine
#UnoLovesMocha
Friday, October 12, 2012
Top Stupid Answers To Game Show Questions
taken from a post in facebook.
1. Blasphemous
Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?”
A: “Utong!”
2. Carlo of Taguig
Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?”
A: “Umiilaw!”
3. Pancho
Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao?
A: “Humanitarian?”
4. Joan C
Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga…”
“Ninja?”
5. Potpot/Simplyme
Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?”
A: “Sunog!”
6. Arcueid
Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.”
A: “Willie da pooh!”
7. Raimon
Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?”
A: “Hindunesia?”
8. Bonnjeru
Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?”
A: “Pagong!”
9. MaudeEvans
Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.”
A: “Tae!”
10. Supertanker
Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?”
A: “Canadia!”
11. RC & Cess
Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red…”
A: “Ribbon!”
12. Jose de Vengenge
Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?”
A: “Buhok?”
13. Arcueid
Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.”
A: “Tinga!”
14. LilMaui
Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?”
A: “Pag balita?”
15. Katherine
Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?”
A: “Baby oil?”
16. RC & Cess
Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?”
A: “Sweetserland?”
17. RC & Cess
Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?”
A: “Godzilla?”
18. LilRedShiningNips
Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?”
A: “Itlog ng tao!”
19. Jose de Vengenge
Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?”
A: “Sadista?”
20. Ned
Q: “Blank is the best policy.”
A: “Ice tea?”
21. Boc
Q: “Anong parte ng itlog ang masarap?”
A: “Yung tangkay?”
22. Espeks
Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?”
A: “Sa likod!”
23. No Angel
Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.”
A: “Tiger?”
24. No name
Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?”
A: “Saging!”
25. No name
Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?”
A: “Baliw!”
26. Kayee
Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?”
A: “Kamag-anak!”
27. Kid Bukid
Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?”
A: “Sa motel?”
28. His Cuteness
Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?”
A: “Cold water!”
29. Katuray
Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?”
A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”
30. Loipogi
Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.”
A: “Operadang bakla?”
31. litzkrieg
Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?”
A: “Madami!”
32. Adakrab 14
Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?”
A: “Abnormal!”
1. Blasphemous
Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?”
A: “Utong!”
2. Carlo of Taguig
Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?”
A: “Umiilaw!”
3. Pancho
Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao?
A: “Humanitarian?”
4. Joan C
Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga…”
“Ninja?”
5. Potpot/Simplyme
Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?”
A: “Sunog!”
6. Arcueid
Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.”
A: “Willie da pooh!”
7. Raimon
Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?”
A: “Hindunesia?”
8. Bonnjeru
Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?”
A: “Pagong!”
9. MaudeEvans
Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.”
A: “Tae!”
10. Supertanker
Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?”
A: “Canadia!”
11. RC & Cess
Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red…”
A: “Ribbon!”
12. Jose de Vengenge
Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?”
A: “Buhok?”
13. Arcueid
Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.”
A: “Tinga!”
14. LilMaui
Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?”
A: “Pag balita?”
15. Katherine
Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?”
A: “Baby oil?”
16. RC & Cess
Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?”
A: “Sweetserland?”
17. RC & Cess
Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?”
A: “Godzilla?”
18. LilRedShiningNips
Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?”
A: “Itlog ng tao!”
19. Jose de Vengenge
Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?”
A: “Sadista?”
20. Ned
Q: “Blank is the best policy.”
A: “Ice tea?”
21. Boc
Q: “Anong parte ng itlog ang masarap?”
A: “Yung tangkay?”
22. Espeks
Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?”
A: “Sa likod!”
23. No Angel
Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.”
A: “Tiger?”
24. No name
Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?”
A: “Saging!”
25. No name
Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?”
A: “Baliw!”
26. Kayee
Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?”
A: “Kamag-anak!”
27. Kid Bukid
Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?”
A: “Sa motel?”
28. His Cuteness
Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?”
A: “Cold water!”
29. Katuray
Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?”
A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”
30. Loipogi
Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.”
A: “Operadang bakla?”
31. litzkrieg
Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?”
A: “Madami!”
32. Adakrab 14
Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?”
A: “Abnormal!”
Friday, September 14, 2012
Ang Alamat ng Crab
Ito ang alamat, na hindi man lang nalaman ng ating mga ninuno. Ma-swerte ka, ikaw pa lang ang unang makaka-alam nito.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Human Climate Change
DATI, pag maganda nililigawan agad,
NGAYON, pag maganda tinititigan muna kasi baka bakla!
DATI, kaunti lang ang mga gwapong lalaki,
NGAYON, kaunti na lang ang mga guwapo na tunay na lalaki!
DATI, pag guwapo babaero,
NGAYON, pati PANGIT babaero na rin, choosy pa!
DATI, hinihintay munang bumilog ang buwan bago magpakasal,
NGAYON, hihintayin munang bumilog ang tiyan bago pakasalan!
DATI, lalaki ang nanliligaw sa babae,
NGAYON, lalaki pa rin naman ang nanliligaw.... sa mga bakla!
NGAYON, pag maganda tinititigan muna kasi baka bakla!
DATI, kaunti lang ang mga gwapong lalaki,
NGAYON, kaunti na lang ang mga guwapo na tunay na lalaki!
DATI, pag guwapo babaero,
NGAYON, pati PANGIT babaero na rin, choosy pa!
DATI, hinihintay munang bumilog ang buwan bago magpakasal,
NGAYON, hihintayin munang bumilog ang tiyan bago pakasalan!
DATI, lalaki ang nanliligaw sa babae,
NGAYON, lalaki pa rin naman ang nanliligaw.... sa mga bakla!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Random Helpful Trivias: Who Knew
For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: Get warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze.
To remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out.
Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. (Now, where to put the body?) =D
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely a light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new!
To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.
Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.
Ants, ants, ants everywhere. Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march.
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
When you get a splinter ("salugsog"), reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer:
Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.
Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water, and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water.
Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn't it?
To remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out.
Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. (Now, where to put the body?) =D
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely a light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new!
To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.
Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.
Ants, ants, ants everywhere. Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march.
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
When you get a splinter ("salugsog"), reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer:
Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.
Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water, and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water.
Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn't it?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Computer Security and Privacy
Maintaining a whole perfect sense of computer and/or internet privacy and security requires a big investment and a whole lot of effort. But with ingenuity, the complications of setting-up one is not a big deal. See below photos to know what I mean...
Okay, now that's not what real ingenuity is... Now if you want to fight or be a part in fighting CyberCrimes, there's a fun run coming in December 10, 2011 at the Quirino Grandstand, Manila. Read on and comment for a chance to get a free race kit for the 500K Punches vs. CyberCrimes.
No one would see what you're typing
No one would see what you're surfing
Best of all, the ultimate security....
Okay, now that's not what real ingenuity is... Now if you want to fight or be a part in fighting CyberCrimes, there's a fun run coming in December 10, 2011 at the Quirino Grandstand, Manila. Read on and comment for a chance to get a free race kit for the 500K Punches vs. CyberCrimes.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Just Burn the Bridge When You Get There
The following just made it to my inbox which came from a good friend - Mr5uplado - who can relate most to this. Read on and please do care to explain to me if you were able to understand it.
We’ ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it’s only now that I gave her a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, she came over with me. She said, “I hope you don’t mine. Can I get your number?” Nag-worry ako. What if she doesn’t give it back? She explained naman na it’s so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i’m wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.
Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of her feelings, we’ll go ouch na rin. Now, we’re so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I’m 33 na and I’m running our time. After 2 weeks, I plopped the question. “Will you marriage me?” She's in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it’s four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, She said yes. Love is a many splendor.
Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may lalakeng humirit ng, “Well, well, well. Look do we have here.” What the fuss! The nerd ng lalakeng yon! He said they were still on. So I told him, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn’t want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. He accused me of steeling her girlfriend. Ats if! I don’t want to portrait the role of the other man. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told him, “please, mine your own business!” Who would believe him anyway?
Dahil it’s not my problem anymore but his problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I’m so happy. Even my girlfriend said liketwice. She’s so supportive. Sabi niya, “Look at is this way. He’s our of our lives.” Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we’ll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Yahoo News Needs ProofReaders
Click the images below to download and zoom.
Evidence #1: Read the photo caption on the right of the image.
Evidence #2: New word being invented.
Evidence #1: Read the photo caption on the right of the image.
Evidence #2: New word being invented.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
SysAd and Programmer Scenario
The following conversations below are real-life scenario from the office. These were e-mail conversations between the Programmer (who also administers their own department's domain) and the Company's System-wide Administrator (who manages all the DHCP servers).
The Problem: Trouble with IP Address conflicts within the Programmer's department, and an unknown machine that's been obtaining an already assigned IP Address from the Programmer's DHCP.
Programmer:
Another set of e-mail for another almost related scenario:
Programmer:
The Problem: Trouble with IP Address conflicts within the Programmer's department, and an unknown machine that's been obtaining an already assigned IP Address from the Programmer's DHCP.
Programmer:
Pa-request po hostnames of the following, we can’t resolve our IP Address conflicts without knowing where these conflicts are:Reply from SysAd:
__:__:__:__:__:8D
__:__:__:__:__:C1
Or better yet, please give us advice how we can permanently fix this. Do we need to restart the DHCP server? Clear the IP Address logs and re-assign new sets of IP Address to all our workstations?
Kindly give us all of your host names and respective mac addresses. This will resolve everything and don’t configure any static IP addresses without our knowledge.Gawin bang mas kumplikado?
Another set of e-mail for another almost related scenario:
Programmer:
Requesting again for your assistance to locate the machine with hostname BMC_DHCP having MAC_ADDRESSES of __:__:__:__:__:A7 (and previously also __:__:__:__:__:8D) and make it stop from obtaining our IP Addresses since we don’t even recognize that machine.Reply from SysAd:
Can you identify the BMC_DHCP and where it is located? We don’t have any server like this in our custody.Kailangan ibalik yung ihinihinging tulong?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Down Memory Lane
TO ALL PINOY KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 50's, 60's, 70's and early 80's!
First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne, smoked and/or drank San Miguel Beer or Syoktong, while they carried us. The manghihilot was the cheapest way to deliver babies. Dinala ka ba ng nanay mo sa pediatrician for DPT? While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, cortal or medicol, ate isaw, and didn't worry about diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker (andador) natin, matigas na kahoy or rattan at wala pang gulong.
We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang), ( noon cloth or rattan duyan lang tied to the posts or ceiling, babies fell asleep sa sobrang hilo ) and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.
Take-out food was limited to Ongpin's pansit or Aling Toyangs pre-cooked ulam in kalderos. No pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway, Jollibee; and, coffee was just kape hinde ga-mahal as in Starbucks.
As children, we would ride in jeepneys libre, pag kandong, hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)
Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata) Did you make your own saranggola and pasted bubog on the strings?
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711(minsan straight from the faucet or poso) walang 711 noon, sari-sari store ni Mang Akong to buy sarsi, suntan, RC cola or choco-vim.
We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this or contracted hepatitis.
We ate rice with star margarine, pampatangkad daw, took raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank softdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga.......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso, habulan at taguan. Natatandaan mo ba PIKO, step-no-step- yes, trumpo, garter & mala-ahas sa haba na goma? Kung naulan naman, jackstones, pick-up sticks or sungka, bahay-bahayan, tinda-tindahan, titser-teacher- an or swimming sa baha or kangkungan.
No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone, walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.. Sipol lang ni tatay ang meron noon!
We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cellphones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters, Facebook. MSN etc. ......... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them! TV viewing was a treat, kilala mo ba si Popeye, Gumby, Betty Boop & followed the bouncing ball in Melody Tunes? That was karaoke then, LOL!
We climbed walls and trees (to get aratiles and catch salagubang & tutubi - tied them on the neck with a string), fell out of trees, got cut or "bukol", broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..beh buti nga !
We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream, fish balls & inihaw na baga. We were not afraid of getting sick or germs in our stomachs.
We had to live with homemade guns, gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan, pero masaya pa rin ang lahat. We made up games with sticks (syatong), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay... paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.
We walked a lot, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!
Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made to the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala iyang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.
Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tingnan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.
That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.
You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.
P.S. - The big letters are because your eyes may not be able to read this if they were typed any smaller (at your age)
First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne, smoked and/or drank San Miguel Beer or Syoktong, while they carried us. The manghihilot was the cheapest way to deliver babies. Dinala ka ba ng nanay mo sa pediatrician for DPT? While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, cortal or medicol, ate isaw, and didn't worry about diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker (andador) natin, matigas na kahoy or rattan at wala pang gulong.
We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang), ( noon cloth or rattan duyan lang tied to the posts or ceiling, babies fell asleep sa sobrang hilo ) and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.
Take-out food was limited to Ongpin's pansit or Aling Toyangs pre-cooked ulam in kalderos. No pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway, Jollibee; and, coffee was just kape hinde ga-mahal as in Starbucks.
As children, we would ride in jeepneys libre, pag kandong, hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)
Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata) Did you make your own saranggola and pasted bubog on the strings?
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711(minsan straight from the faucet or poso) walang 711 noon, sari-sari store ni Mang Akong to buy sarsi, suntan, RC cola or choco-vim.
We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this or contracted hepatitis.
We ate rice with star margarine, pampatangkad daw, took raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank softdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga.......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso, habulan at taguan. Natatandaan mo ba PIKO, step-no-step- yes, trumpo, garter & mala-ahas sa haba na goma? Kung naulan naman, jackstones, pick-up sticks or sungka, bahay-bahayan, tinda-tindahan, titser-teacher- an or swimming sa baha or kangkungan.
No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone, walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.. Sipol lang ni tatay ang meron noon!
We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cellphones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters, Facebook. MSN etc. ......... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them! TV viewing was a treat, kilala mo ba si Popeye, Gumby, Betty Boop & followed the bouncing ball in Melody Tunes? That was karaoke then, LOL!
We climbed walls and trees (to get aratiles and catch salagubang & tutubi - tied them on the neck with a string), fell out of trees, got cut or "bukol", broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..beh buti nga !
We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream, fish balls & inihaw na baga. We were not afraid of getting sick or germs in our stomachs.
We had to live with homemade guns, gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan, pero masaya pa rin ang lahat. We made up games with sticks (syatong), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay... paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.
We walked a lot, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!
Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made to the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala iyang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.
Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tingnan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.
That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.
You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.
P.S. - The big letters are because your eyes may not be able to read this if they were typed any smaller (at your age)
J J J J J
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Break Muna
Aanhin ko ang napakalaking bahay, mamahaling sasakyan,
milyun-milyong kayamanan, at masasarap na pagkain kung ang
kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga iyun?!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
SA MAY KANTO.
LASING: Miss ang panget mo!
BABAE: Kapal ng mukha mo! Ikaw naman LASENGGO!
LASING: Bukas di na ako lasing, ikaw bukas panget pa rin! Wahahahahaha.....
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
ANAK: Dad I'm fifteen na, pwede na ba ako mag BRA?
DAD: Di pwede!
ANAK: But Dad, all my friends wear bra na...
DAD:Tigilan mo ako RENATO!!! Baka pisain ko itlog mo!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
HUSBAND: Pagkamatay ko ipamamana ko sayo 50 hectares ng lupa'tbahay
at 350 million sa bank. Ano pa mahihiling mo?
WIFE: Gusto ko mamatay ka na, Ngayon na!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
NENE: Inay, pinatambling ako kanina sa school!
INAY: Gaga! Gusto lang nila makita panty mo!
NENE: Alam ko! Kaya nga tinago ko sa bag yung panty ko eh!!...
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Misis: Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi
selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
TANONG:Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi
siya mababastos?
SAGOT: "Uhm, excuse me, miss...Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?"
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw
na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat... I LOVE YOU!
Wife:Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!...
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Juan:San ka galing?
Pedro: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan:E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro:Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Bigo ka ba sa luv? eto ang mga BEST partners:
Kuba: Mapagkumbaba
Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan
Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo
Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words
Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: Di ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala...
Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section sya!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Paano humamon ng AWAY ang ....
BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!
milyun-milyong kayamanan, at masasarap na pagkain kung ang
kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga iyun?!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
SA MAY KANTO.
LASING: Miss ang panget mo!
BABAE: Kapal ng mukha mo! Ikaw naman LASENGGO!
LASING: Bukas di na ako lasing, ikaw bukas panget pa rin! Wahahahahaha.....
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
ANAK: Dad I'm fifteen na, pwede na ba ako mag BRA?
DAD: Di pwede!
ANAK: But Dad, all my friends wear bra na...
DAD:Tigilan mo ako RENATO!!! Baka pisain ko itlog mo!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
HUSBAND: Pagkamatay ko ipamamana ko sayo 50 hectares ng lupa'tbahay
at 350 million sa bank. Ano pa mahihiling mo?
WIFE: Gusto ko mamatay ka na, Ngayon na!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
NENE: Inay, pinatambling ako kanina sa school!
INAY: Gaga! Gusto lang nila makita panty mo!
NENE: Alam ko! Kaya nga tinago ko sa bag yung panty ko eh!!...
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Misis: Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi
selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
TANONG:Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi
siya mababastos?
SAGOT: "Uhm, excuse me, miss...Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?"
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw
na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat... I LOVE YOU!
Wife:Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!...
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Juan:San ka galing?
Pedro: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan:E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro:Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Bigo ka ba sa luv? eto ang mga BEST partners:
Kuba: Mapagkumbaba
Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan
Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo
Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words
Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: Di ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala...
Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section sya!
<<>><<>> <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
Paano humamon ng AWAY ang ....
BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Ang Pag-Ibig
red rose from someone else like this...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
5.5.5 on 10.10.10
Alam nyo ba?
na ngayong 10.10.10 o Octubre a-dyes, taong dalawang libo at sampu, ay mayroong 5.5.5?
limang byernes
limang sabado
at limang linggo, lahat ay napapabilang sa iisang buwan lamang ng Oktubre ngayong taon. Ito ay minsan lamang mangyari sa loob ng 823 taon.
Maging mapanuri, mapangahas, at matulis. Ito po si Kuya Kim, sama-sama tayong maging..... SAKSI!!!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Enduring Love
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Mga Jokes ni Mak
MISTER: wala akong tulog dahil naiisip ko P500K na utang ko kay pare.
MISIS: madali yan! Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mong hindi ka makakabayad sa utang mo para siya naman ang hindi makatulog!
****
JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.
****
JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.
JEEP DRIVER: saan galling?
JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin.
JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan?
JEEP PASSENGER: sayo.
****
Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hin di nga?!?
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
****
Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.
****
Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hin alikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.
****
Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!
Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!
Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh.
****
Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.
****
GREAT FACTS
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee
Marriage is a relationship wherein one person is always right and the other person is the husband.
They said we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.
The human brain functions 24 hours/day, 365 days/year until you fall for someone...
****
BERTO: Ano ang mas mahalaga, pera o asawa?
ROMY: Syempre, pera! Kasi, ang pera, habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang interes. Ang asawa, habang tumatagal, nawawalan ka ng interes, tapos, inuubos pa ang pera mo
****
2 Mag-amiga naglasing. Paguwi natae sila at sa sementeryo inabutan. Ang isa ginamit ang panty pamunas tsaka tinapon. Yung isa, nakakita ng bouquet ng flower sa puntod at ginawang pamunas. Kinabukasan, sabi ng mga asawa nila:
JUAN:Pare, bantayan natin mga misis natin...Misis ko umuwi kagabi walang panty!
PEDRO: Mas grabe misis ko pare...Merong card nakadikit sa puwet na may nakasulat "We'll never forget you. From all the guys at the OPERATIONS DEPT."
****
Guwapo nagtext: Luv, p load nman P100.
Bakla: Ok! (Nagmamadaling naghanap ng loading station).
Bakla: Narecieve mo na luv?
Guwapo: Hu u?
****
In the middle of a baptismal rite, a bishop officiating said:
"Ang lambot naman ng ulo ng bata..."
The pretty mother replied: "Father...dede ko po yan!"
****
Ama: Bading ka ba?
Anak: Opo, dadi
Ama: (Dinuldol sa harina c jr). Ano?! Bading ka pa ba?!
Anak: Hin di na po.
Ama: Eh anon a?
Anak: Geisha na po! (Ang taray!)
****
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Laugh
Makabagong kasabihan: Kagandahan edition
1 ) Para sa magaganda: "aanhin mo ang ganda, kung wala ka namang papa."
2 ) Para sa gustong magpaganda/retokada : "kung gusto mong lumandi, tiisin mo ang hapdi"
3 ) Para sa mga feeling magaganda: "talbog ang matigas na tinapay sa tigas ng mukha ng nagmamagandang inday"
4 ) Para sa mga walang ganda: "mabait man daw at magaling, ang chaka-chaka pa rin"
****
Words to live by ng mga bading (hehehe)
"Walang kaibi-kaibigan pag agawan na ng dyowa ang usapan"
"Sa hinaba-haba man ng prusisyon, bading din pala ang magiging karelasyon."
"Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare"
"Aanhin mo ang guwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa iyo?"
"Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling dyowa, sa mga bath houses naglipana."
"Matalino man daw ang bading, napeperahan pa rin."
***
T: Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman kung matanda na tayo?
S: 'Yung paggising mo, tapos, pagtingin mo sa tagiliran, matanda rin ang iyong katabi.
***
Symptoms of a CERTIFIED SINGLE:
• Mahilig kumain.
• Panalo ang social life. Alam lahat ng gimikan at mall sale.
• Hayok sa tulog.
• Gadget-addict.
• Sa cellphone, group message nang group message ng quotes.
• Ngumingiti kahit nag-iisa.
• Tumataba.
• Porma to the max.
• Mukhang happy kahit hindi naman talaga.
Symptoms of a CERTIFIED TAKEN:
• Walang pera.
• Mukhang ngarag at laspag.
• Kuripot.
• Blooming, kasi, kailangan para hindi iwan.
• Walang social life kundi dyowa niya.
• Boring kausap.
***
7 tips para maiba naman ang araw mo:
1. Sikmuraan ang unang taong kasalubong at humingi ng sorry.
2. Uminom ng pampatulog labanan ito, magexercise.
3. Tibagin ang bahay gamit ang kutsara at buuin muli.
4. Himatayin kunwari sa daan, tiyaking may tao.
5. Tahiin ang puwet at magpatingin sa doctOR
6. Kurutin ang nakababatang kapatid pagkatapos unahan mong umiyak.
7. Makapagtitigan sa isda. Huwag titigil hanggat hindi ito kumukurap...
****
Sunday, September 19, 2010
More Famous Jokes
Dalawang Sira ulo....
SIRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
SIRA2: Oo namn!!!
SIRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
SIRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!
TEACHER and BOY
TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.
Ang sulat
Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata matatangap..!
Promotion
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang dito humaharap sa korte ko, ha?
Swindler: Your honor, hindi ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote!
Kriminal
KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala pa rin siya! Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya..!
Si Gino
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!
Tutpik
Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis pa): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan,pero kayo lang nakabali!
Confident Vs. Confidential
Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
Panchito, Babalu, Dolphy
Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC -- Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
Babalu: Ako naman DEF -- Damo, Egg at Frutas.
Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.
First love never dies
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies?"
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang ngayon buhay pa ang animal!
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