Matuwa Ka

Taong Gutom: ahmm... ate, pa-order naman po two rice. Serbidora: ilang rice po? Taong Gutom (nagtataka!): dalawa. Serbidora: Ano po'ng ulam? Taong Gutom: half order sa ampalaya. Serbidora: ilang order po ng ampalaya? Taong Gutom (lalong nagutom): kalahati.

:p Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan. Aling Dionisia: Talaga?... gusto ko gumanda! Genie: Buksan mo ang bote. Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako? Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------- Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg? Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA! ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------- Reporter: Ngayung nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee? Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e. Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon? Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------- Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast. Doctor: (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na? Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon? ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------- Pacquiao: ...

:D A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!" Laughter and applause!!! A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" The wife went; "ahhhh!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!" By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water. Moral of the story... Don't Copy if you can't PASTE

:p got this from an e-mail thread, enjoy laughing... ;)    

While I was at the LTO Main Compound on my way to the office, I passed by two men also going to our office. I usually don't mind the conversations that I overhear from the people that I pass by, but in this particular scenario, I can't help but to re-think what I heard. It made me grin as I enter our main lobby, find out for yourself why! Man 1 & Man 2: Walking from the LTO's back gate towards our office. Me: Passing by from them. Man 1: "Ayun ung Stradcom." Me, Man 1 & Man 2 arrived at the Stradcom Guard's house. Man 1: "Boss, saan yung Stradcom?" Guard: "Dito Sir, dito po muna kayo sa gilid." Me: Logging-in my time at the guard house, overhearing more of their conversations. Guard: "Saan po kayo Sir?" Man 1: "Sa Stradcom po."

Girl: It is odd how society seees things. Let's say if a guy sleeps with all these girls, "he's the man!" or a stud. But if a girl does, she's a total slut or whore. Is society sexists? Guy: Well, think about it this way. If a key can open a bunch of locks, it's viewed as a "master key", and is awesome to have. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, well that's a pretty shitty lock if you ask me. Lamebook

Gay: Ako'y matutulog na sa aking higaan, dahil ako'y gigising pa bago magbukang liwayway. Sana ako'y makatulog ng mahimbing, upang ako'y makabawi sa ilang araw na pagsusunog ng aking makapal na kilay. Good night crush! =) Brother matulog ka ng mahimbing, upang sa iyong pag-gising, matanto mong ika'y lalaki rin! Gay: Ngunit kahit anong gawin, umaga'y gumaganda pa rin, dahil sa bawat paggising, mukhang kaakit akit pa rin, ang bumubungad sa akin! Brother: wala na bang pag-asa, mawalay ang pagka-dyokla? minsan ako'y nababahala, dahil sa chenes mong pananalita! utak ko ri'y nagsusumamo, matigil na sana ang iyong eklavo!